untitled unfiltered

I have been in a rut. I lost my passion for anime and I didn’t know what to do. It might just be me making the move to college (from community to university) and all. But, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Like I love anime, I love manga, and I love talking about it on this blog. But, I litterialy cut all of that out when I moved to college. Yet I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I then meditated (Note I never really sat down and meditated really at all in my life). Then, I went through a thing in my head and I was just afraid of my future in life. Like I love this blog and I want to continue it till the end of time and I was never consistent. 

I always make excuses like college, work, and life. Sometimes of which is the case. But, other times I would just be gaming doing nothing, or just be doing nothing at all and I have been losing sleep and started to wake up late, around noon and such. Spending days on social media, youtube, or just gaming as I said before..  Saying that I would change in 2020 but, I haven’t done anything. 

I recently quit my job at Walmart, which I worked for 2 almost three years and it was my first job ever. I had to say goodbye to so many people and I didn’t realize that they were all like my second family. I miss them so much and I text them occasionally…. Not really, I am a bad person at keeping in touch as I am heavy introverted person at it is hell for me sometimes. Especially going to a college where you really don’t know anybody. It is really weird for me. 

Then, in my dorm I in a place with roommates that don’t say a word to one another and it is also weird. Like when I first went there. Everyone was just quiet and not really commusnitve. Now I don’t even know what I am writing.

Am I crazy?

I don’t know anymore.

What the hell am I writing?

I don’t even know anymore. 

For those who are reading this I am just sorry if I have been the most quiet person in the world. I have just been in a huge rut. Like I have 5 posts that I have started and have yet to complete. Then I have been procrastinating on watching/reading some of my favorite series like Kingdom and Chihayafuru. I just need to post something and I can get this blog on the right track again. So for those that have taken the time to read this thank you. I plan on coming out with content soon. 

I just realize that I wrote too much and if a future employer read this, they might think that I am crazy. But, who the fuck cares right. Sigh… What the fuck am I writing. I don’t know if I am even gonna post this anymore. 

But, I will and this is just gonna be called untitled unfiltered.

That would have been a good way to end it but, I saw this post on the kingdom subreddit and it was the perfect representation of me right now. 

So that you guys all new readers and old for taking the time to read this post that I think I just wanted to write to myself. It really was meant to be used to explain why I have been gone this whole time. I was gonna flex about how I am in college now and don’t have any free time. But, to  be honest I have all the free time to write this and I have been procrastinating. So this is the real me, the untitled unfiltered me. 

So I did end this nice at the end of the day.

After rereading this I really am crazy. I really don’t want to post this but, in order to get out of my writing rut. To get out of my sleeping late rut. To get out of this consist struggle of finding my purpose in life. I now think that I am good. Thanks again for everyone that reads this. I have future projects in the work and I have just been need to complete them. Instead of writing a new post everyday. Yet never posting this. So I decided just to do when a person is stuck and just talk to myself or just something else. 

Actually now I feel like a weight has been taken off my chest after posting this. Also I need to watch Chihayafuru. I missed like the last two or three episodes. Also I have not picked up ANYTHING in the new season so I need to pick that up. 

Thanks, and this is really my start to the year of 2020. 

-Dez P. 

6 thoughts on “untitled unfiltered

  1. Don’t worry about it. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot of change and that’s bound to impact things like this. Maybe do something fun that’s easy like a tag post response or a top ten list on anything. Just ease yourself back in and try not to worry about it. Take your time.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I frequently have this similar problem, and whenever I let it take over I’ll start posting less and less frequently myself. I think writing about anything and everything that comes to your mind is a huge help when you just don’t feel like writing. I think doing episode reviews can also help.

    Also if it’s coming from Lynn, then there’s no better advice haha. That dude posts more regularly than anyone I’ve seen.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It might help to remember that there’s nothing wrong with being introverted. But if you think there are too many aspects of your life that are overwhelming, I’d check your university for counseling services. Lynn’s right — a lot of changes can trigger this sort of thing, and sometimes it helps to talk to a professional.

    Also, just write. Don’t judge your writing. Don’t go back and look at the old stuff. Write the next piece. I hate everything I’ve ever written, but paradoxically, there’s something reassuring about each post. It’s proof that I can beat the inner demons long enough to get one post out. Then two.

    Schedules help, but not if they’re too restrictive.

    It helps me to watch a handful of series each season that I don’t review — just to remember what it’s like to watch just for fun. That’s really helped me keep a sense of balance.

    Revisiting older series that I liked helps, too.

    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for the kind words and advice. It was just a huge change and I though that I can take it and nothing really would be different. But, I am doing a lot better now. After going through all of the classes and everything and finally settling in I feel better now.

      Liked by 1 person

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